The Move Home

by jennifer
(Warren, MI, USA)

I moved home after my divorce, maybe not the most ideal situation for a 30 something woman, but it allowed me to go back to school, while being able to raise my son without going into debt.

I appreciate all my parents put up with to help me. But with that said, they are driving me mad! My dad, I am unsure how he manages it, but the sound of him eating a banana with his mouth open is enough to make me want to stab my ear drums with a shrimp fork.

And mom, how did I end up with my son if I am still your virginal little girl? My brother lived with his girl friend for years with out getting married, and then proceeded to get her knocked up. Though apparently I am a street walking ho bag if I want to go away for the night with my boyfriend of 2 years. Heaven forbid I ever have sex again. I. Am. Going. Bonkers!

So there is mom, plugging her ears, and dad trots by wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, suspenders, and some jogging shoes. Now, if he was going to jog around the block like that, I would laugh so hard I would pee. So I would forgive him for walking around the house like that. However, if you are just walking around like a fruit-cake just for the fun of it, I think you should put on some bloody pants. Not that I don't love wrinkly old-man chicken-skin legs, hairy pot belly and saggy man boobs all joggling around this way and that. But there comes a point when pants are needed.

So, combine this with a 4 year old constantly in orbit around me mimicking sponge bob 24-7, and 80 some odd pages of reading for my grad classes piling up next to me as I try desperately to keep my brain from imploding, it makes for a happy family. Um, anyone got a room for rent?