Useless Automation

by Steve W
(Birmingham Alabana)

The thing that absolutely drives me up the wall is the useless automated machines that try to make using the restroom, an already simple task, even easier.

First off, there is the automatically flushing toilet. That is, the machine of the Devil which, when you finally become relaxed and all is silent in the stall, decides to flush and scare you half to death while soaking your backside.

Is it that hard to flush the toilet yourself? Does one really need an automated system to perform a simple task that we all learned when we were toddlers?

And so, you reach to the toilet paper which is surrounded by sharp plastic knives to help us rip the toilet paper, because of course, without these sharp cutting devices, how ever would we tear that tissue thin paper.

And off we go to the sink, where it takes nearly five minutes of hand-waving to activate the water for a mere 5 seconds of wash-time. We are forced to scavenge for water like a raccoon digging through the trash. I would much rather be able to control my own water flow.

And God forbid you have automated soap dispensers. All this ridiculous machines are put in to protect us from germs and make things easier for us.

If you are afraid of germs, get out of the public restroom. And if you are too feeble to flush your toiled, rip your toilet paper, turn the sink on and off, and get your own damn soap, how do you even open the bathroom door to get in? I guess they need automatic door openers in public restrooms, too...